Sunday, 11 December 2016

Why Women Can't Resist Bad Boys

My impatience, frustration and general disdain for men is pretty well-documented.

However, I’m one for balanced perspectives and even I can recognise women can be equally as frustrating to men, especially when it comes to dating.
Image credit: OpenClipart-Vectors

I've touched on a similar topic before. Often, you have decent guys ready for a relationship, scratching their head as to why a woman is giving mixed signals. Maybe she responds to your contact, but never initiates. Maybe you had an amazing first date, the girl seemed interested but she’s difficult to pin down for a second date, constantly saying she’s "busy".

In some cases, a girl may actually be interested but just doesn’t want to look desperate. I personally can like a guy, but will hold-off initiating too much contact in the early stages as I prefer to take things slowly. Also, I guess I like to gauge his interest level and an easy way to do that is by seeing how often he initiates contact. I will, however, respond enthusiastically to contact and date requests.

However, if a woman isn’t making any real effort  to see or speak to you, if conversations taper off into nothing, then her ambivalence is most likely due to her half-hearted interest in either you, or in dating and relationships in general.

Women are often at the receiving end of this type of behaviour from men, and are frequently (and often, brutally) told: He’s Just Not That Into You.

However, guys tend to be treated a lot more delicately. So much so, it’s perplexing to them. Hey, if a guy has made it clear he’s single and ready for a relationship but a girl isn’t biting… clearly she has issues of some sort, right?

What’s then even more confusing for the guy is when he sees the same girl falling head-over-heels for a gigantic douchebag, pandering to him and staying even when she’s been mistreated, like a lovesick puppy.

Why do women love jerks? They wonder. Why do bad boys have such success with women?

Well…this is probably why: because they are usually hotter.

Harsh, but true.

It makes me laugh when I see this question posted on the internet, and the subsequent articles/responses are full of psycho-babble about girls with low self-esteem or daddy issues blah blah blah. Because they’re ignoring a really obvious factor: attraction.

You see, attraction’s a funny thing and women can be equally as shallow as men. Sure, they’re more likely to compromise in that area if a guy ticks other boxes. But generally, especially if a woman has a more immature mind-set, you can observe first hand that how a woman treats a man varies, depending on how attractive she finds him.

Picky females may also put up with less-than-ideal behaviour, because of their difficulty in finding someone they find attractive; she may worry she won’t have the same physical chemistry with someone else.

Of course, there are anomalies. Sometimes, you have guys who would be deemed unattractive by your average person and is also an all-round loser. Yet he still has one, if not multiple, women who are after him. Some are jobless, so you know it’s not money that’s keeping the woman around. In situations like this, I don’t know what to tell you as I can’t understand it myself. It’s just one of life’s quirks, I guess.

But generally, I’ve seen how women change around guys they deem good looking. And I don’t mean in a shy or introverted way. I mean switching from being unapproachable and haughty, to soft and coquettish.

I’ve been guilty of this too in the past: I remember complaining to my sister about this "freak" who wouldn’t stop staring and flirting with me at work. "It is annoying," she said. "But would you be complaining if he was fit?"

Which was a fair point.

I also saw evidence of this recently when I saw a change in behaviour with my friend towards the guy she was in a relationship with. When they first met, she was a typical lovestruck girl. But then suddenly, my friend just didn’t seem as happy with him as before. Granted, they were having issues but he seemed like a nice guy and I just couldn’t understand why she was being so harsh and dismissive of him.

Then she admitted the spark had gone and it became a whole lot clearer.

It’s tricky, because I try to be a supportive friend especially when she wants to vent to me. But it’s hard when she’s now acting like the jerk. And then gets frustrated with me when I won’t tear the guy down with her - something I can’t do, because I don’t think he’s done anything massively wrong. Of course, I don’t know the ins and outs of their relationship, but if he was treating her the way she’s treating him, I would be hating on him big time.

Instead, I feel sorry for the guy because it seems like now that she’s no longer attracted to him she has no use for him.

Women are perfectly entitled to change their minds about being in a relationship with someone….but there’s a way to handle a break up, whilst still being as respectful as possible. In the case of my friend, because she no longer cares for him, everything the guy says or does grates on her. And I’ve never seen this vicious side to her before. It’s certainly a contrast to what she was like when she was attracted to him.

Women shouldn’t be demonised for wanting to be attracted to their partner. Physical attraction is definitely an important aspect of a relationship; it’s what changes the dynamic from platonic to romantic. Sure, a guy can grow on you the more you get to know him, but if the idea of being physical with him repulses you, then I think that romantic prospect is dead in the water. You can’t help who you’re attracted to, unfortunately.

However, there are more important things that need to be there too. I personally have spoken to extremely good looking guys, and I lost interest fast because the conversation was so puerile and superficial. Literally, just about the only thing one guy could talk at length about was his daily workouts at the gym.

This is why I now try to be as gracious as possible when handling male interest, regardless of if I fancy him or not. You should treat people with basic decency and respect, unless they’ve given you a reason not to. Finding someone unattractive isn’t a reason.

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