Tuesday, 19 January 2016

Depression & Anxiety: How To Cool Down After An Argument

People can be dismissive of depression and anxiety, seeing it as a phantom illness endured by those who are too weak to overcome trying times.

Image credit: Unsplash 
On one hand, they might have a point: everyone goes through difficult periods and the onus is on you to overcome it.

Sure, people can help in terms of lending an ear or offering advice but ultimately it’s up to you to seek practical steps to deal with stress and then apply it. Or at least try to, to see if it works for you.

However, sometimes stress or emotional-related problems manifest into physical symptoms that are beyond our control e.g. insomnia, lack of appetite, skin breakouts, muscle tension, teeth-grinding, digestive issues and my personal favourite chest tightness and palpitations/heart pounding. What feels like a mini heart attack is your body reacting to the adrenaline rush from a particularly stressful situation.

This is something that’s developed for me personally over the past year, and I feel like I’m getting weak in my old-age! Sometimes I wonder why trivial stuff is getting me all bent-out-of-shape, especially when I compare it more extreme situations I’ve dealt with (and managed to brush off) in the past.

But in all honesty (and I hate to sound all woe-is-me), I think after years of instability in my personal life (I really should write a book), I’ve just reached my limit and that’s why I’m struggling to hold it together the way I used to.

Regardless, experiencing physical symptoms to emotional turmoil is enough of a scare for me to evaluate certain lifestyle factors - specifically identifying negative triggers and avoiding them.

Of course, you’re always going to encounter a**holes and irritating circumstances, but the trick is to calm down before your emotions get the best of you. If that means cutting out certain people who are PERSISTENTLY annoying you (something I’m all too good at, I’m sad to say) or at least limiting your interaction with them, unfortunately that’s something you may need to do.

Because going through such intense situations that get you so charged up, mentally AND physically, can’t be good for you. You only have a limited number of years left in your life, why spend them being angry and miserable?

As well as looking at a way to improve my circumstances, I’m also looking at practical methods to reduce stress and anxiety.

I already do quite a bit of walking (with music in) which clears my head. Writing helps to relieve stress, too. But in terms of an immediate solution when I’m seriously wound up, I’ve been looking at deep-breathing exercises.

I’m still researching methods and will update on their effectiveness once I give them a go, but at the risk of sounding like a new-ager, when it comes finding inner peace and contentment, meditation and mindfulness seems to be the way to go ESPECIALLY if you’re experiencing negative physical symptoms. I look at those calm and centred folks and they just have a good aura about them. It's certainly aspirational.

Other quick tips include: drinking a glass of water, splashing cold water on your face, counting to 10, going for a drive if you have the means. Stuff like that. The area I live in has numerous walking opportunities and I find being close to nature, especially free-flowing water, seems to help as well. It’s weird, I can walk by the local canal and it’s like a heavy weight off my chest has been lifted. One thing you don’t want to do though is drink a caffeinated drink, as it will only make the heart-flutters worse.

Knaresborough -  take advantage of local scenic sightseeing/walking opportunities!

Ultimately, it boils down to stress control and anger management. For a long term solution, it’s a combination of recognising situations that set you off, distancing yourself from these stressful or upsetting situations (especially if they keep happening) and learning to walk away when they do occur and taking the time to cool down. Some things just aren’t worth arguing or sacrificing your happiness over.


  1. Last year, when my depression was abysmal, I had an argument with my boyfriend and I didn't speak to him for three months. We patched everything up but those three months were the absolute worst. Depression worsened, I didn't eat nor sleep yet I was always tired and I lost 7kg in three months when I was perfectly happy with my size. We reconciled afterwards but I'm still recuperating from the effects. If you can get closure, I suggest you do. Because the ifs and whats hurt so much more.

    xx Bash | H E Y   B A S H | bloglovin'

    1. I'm so sorry to hear about your rough patch. I think when you go through a bout of major depression like that it's bound to change you on a deeper level. It sounds like you're on your way to brighter days though and I wish you all the best.

      Getting closure on situations is something that can definitely help. Unfortunately, for me I think too many bridges have been burned and I also struggle to want to associate with people who contributed to my depression, instead of helping.

      Instead, I see it as a lesson learned and I’m looking at ways to improve my personal relationships and circumstances.

      - Lubna x

  2. That's a really great post, Lubna. Whenever I get into argument or feel like I am way to high on some emotion, I try to write every thought down on my notebook. It helps me to calm down and clear my head a bit :)

    -Leta | The Nerdy Me

    1. Hey thanks a lot! And thanks for dropping by :]

      Writing definitely helps to get all your emotions out, instead of bottling them all in. And when your emotions are running high, it’s usually best to just remove yourself from the situation.

      - Lubna xx

  3. Thank you so much for these tips! I've recently bought a journal to write down my thoughts on :)

    Yousra | Mystic Tales

    1. Hey that's great! Writing is definitely therapeutic, I can’t recommend it enough! :]

      - Lubna xx