Monday, 21 December 2015

From Dating To Friends

I’m big into personal development these days and as I get older, it seems a shame to completely cut a person out just because you guys are not a good fit, dating-wise. I mean if it’s a cheating, sleazy asshole or someone you dated for years and years and you’re heartbroken then DEFINITELY cut them loose for your own sanity, especially if they ended things.

Image credit: BlueOlive
But if it’s a generally kind and decent person with whom you have similar interests, should you really burn bridges like that? When you can mutually benefit from one-another’s company?

Especially if you live in a medium-sized city like I do, where the odds are high that you will frequently bump into each other, especially if you attend the same popular events.

Whilst this would have been awful if I was heartbroken over a guy, it’s actually quite nice to see a friendly, familiar face out and about (of-course, I'm not sure I'd be so relaxed and unconcerned about it if I saw him getting cozy with another girl).

I know personally, I tend to cut people like out like there’s no tomorrow and it’s something I sincerely want to work on (unless continuing to interact with the person is making me miserable).

So how does one go about turning a brief fling into a friend/casual acquaintance?

I think firstly, if you were the one who ended things, you may find the transition from dating to friends easier. You do have to be prepared for the fact that the person you dated may not be interested in a friendship. They may be offended, even. But for the most part, if you're a girl I don't think guys will be too resistant to the idea of being friends as it takes them a while to develop deep feelings.

On that note, I also think that the odds of turning the situation into a successful friendship are a lot higher if you guys only dated briefly, as opposed to a full-blown relationship that lasted for months or even years.

However, even if you were only seeing each other for a short amount of time, intense feelings can develop especially if you were sexual.

So I think it’s important to get a bit of space initially when you decide to go your separate ways, just to let those romantic feelings simmer down.

I guess the biggest hurdle to being friends with someone you dated is the prospect that, at some point, one or both of you are going to start seeing other people, which means you may have to witness this lover-turned-friend in the throes of a new relationship.

Even the most mature person is bound to feel a bit of a sting, especially if they're still single.

But again, this is one thing I struggle with and it’s something I want to get over (seeing your exes move on romantically). Call it character development.

I think it will help me out in future relationships too - being realistic about the fact that not every guy you date is going to end in a happily-ever-after scenario. It kinda takes the pressure off. Plus, if things don’t work out and the guy moves on and dates other people, I know it’s not the end of the world and I can handle it.

It also means I won’t hesitate to walk away from romantic situations that just aren’t working, because I won’t have that fear of the guy moving on (and finding someone else) stopping me from ending things. Sometimes, I don’t want a guy…but I don’t necessarily want anyone else to have him, either. Which is a selfish and immature attitude to have but hey, I'm human!

I also think, for both guys and girls, it’s good to have a mix of friends: you can gain knowledge from each other and if you’re bored and lonely and they are too, why not do fun things together? That's what life's about, sharing experiences and enjoying the company of others.

Being totally honest though, I’m not sure if this is entirely possible especially if an element of attraction remains. But heck, it’s something new so I’m willing to give it a go.


  1. I am so bad for cutting people out of my life, its a defence mechanism I think! I broke up with a guy I was with for 5 years and we have the same friends and it's actual hell because I'm still very much in love with him! So it's getting to the point where I can't see my friends or I'll never get over him. It's so much less complicated to avoid relationships!

    1. I think after 5 years together it's understandable to get a bit of space before even considering being friends (if you want to be at all). When you're casually dating someone though I think it's easier to make that transition.

      Ahh I know - relationships can get so messy sometimes! Nothing worse than dealing with the hurt when things don't work out.

      Still, when it's right being in a relationship is one of the best things in the's those good times that stop me from giving up on romance :)

      - Lubna x

  2. yeah give up, i`m a guy and i stop dating after reading this article, it reminds me of this one that i read before!

    1. Trust me mate, as someone who frequently meets guys who pursue heavily then turn around and say they don't want a relationship (hence the suggestion to be friends, as there's no way I'd settle to be a FWB) - the disappointment works both ways.

      This post was merely a suggestion for those who want to take the "no hard feelings" approach after a failed romance.

      Verdict: it doesn't work, as the guy still relentlessly tries to get in your pants.

      Interesting article link btw - I wholeheartedly agree that men destroyed dating.