Saturday, 12 September 2015

Are You Too Used To Being Single?

Imagine coming home to your mum, somewhat apprehensively, asking if you’d mind if the guest on the couch moved in as a lodger. That night.

I’m used to such impulsive behaviour from my mother, which is usually the main reason why we butt heads when we do – she just can’t sit still sometimes and relax!

I guess it’s nice that she asked me first. At least she offered me that courtesy. I mean, technically it is her house.

I was initially resistant to the idea and told her if she needs some extra cash, I can just give it to her. But my mum has temporarily housed people before in the past. For free. I think she feels sorry for people sometimes, often at her own detriment. She has a soft spot for Muslim people in particular.

From a financial standpoint though, this arrangement kinda makes sense – with two double rooms lying empty, she may as well make easy money from one room. I obviously already do contribute to the household, but she’s never asked me for me money and I think she feels guilty even taking it.

This dude is an old family friend so it feels more like a cousin or someone staying. I guess it might be nice to have a male in the house anyway, to balance out all the oestrogen. Plus, my mum cooks and buys food in bulk, it’s nice to have another mouth to feed.

But this potential new housemate got me thinking about how I dread the idea of meeting someone, settling down, moving in together and having to make that adjustment from being single, enjoying your company and only really having to worry about yourself…to having someone around ALL THE TIME. Someone else to consider, who will inevitably intrude on your personal space or take up more of your time.

Let’s face it, being single and alone is often an easier life. Lonely at times? Perhaps. But generally, less drama and stress when you only have yourself to worry about.

I’ve become far too good at compartmentalising my life. I can be chatty, sociable and up for trying new things…but as long as it’s in timeframes that I’ve set aside to socialise. I don’t like it when people mess up my schedule or the routine I’ve set aside for that day, and I definitely like time to myself. 

If you’re anything like me, this mentality can be reflected in your love life too where you’re a little reluctant to SERIOUSLY date.

Sure, you like the idea of dating and being in a relationship, especially when you meet someone you find attractive who shows interest. But when it comes down to actually doing something about it…you’re indecisive and give off mixed signals, until eventually the potential that was there fizzles out. And you end up being somewhat relieved.

Lone wolf... [Image credit: GLady]
It’s like you’re scared of commitment, but still yearn for it at the same time. It also means that the person who might be interested in dating you has the added task of convincing you to be interested, not just in them but in dating in general. That’s a lot of work for someone you’re still getting to know and most people won't bother. Therefore, it hinders your love life.

I think it’s something you just have to get over. Because you know what, it’s not healthy to prefer a life of solitude.

Who knows if I’ll end up married or with kids, but I shouldn’t be opposed to it because I don’t like people disrupting my personal time or occupying my personal space. That’s no way to live.

Voluntarily choosing a life like that, whether it's because you've been hurt before in the past or because you just prefer not having to give a crap about anyone but yourself, is selling yourself short. Sure, people are annoying and hard work sometimes, but putting in the effort to foster new or existing relationships is what life’s about.

Sometimes you just have to go with flow and adjust to things that are beyond your comfort zone. I think it can make you more of a well-rounded, multidimensional person. Not to mention, you never know where new interactions can lead.

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