Friday, 22 May 2015

Why Hot Guys Never Ask You Out

Image credit: Nemo
I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets asked out/harassed (as in constant calls and messages, often at ungodly hours) or stalked and perved-on online by guys you vaguely know and have zero interest in... while the ones that you are interested in are none the wiser or waiting for you to make a move.

It's never the ones you want, hey?

Of course, there’s always the possibility that you’re batting way outta your league and the guy you do like is just plain not interested.

I know, I know, here comes the "that's the problem with you girls, you fall for the bad/hot guys and don't give us good guys a chance, then complain that you're still single!" assumption.

Well actually, if someone seems like a nice enough person but I'm not immediately attracted to them, in the interest of not being shallow, I am willing to give it a go to see if anything develops.

Often, I find these guys are just as bad as the selfish, emotionally unavailable good-looking guys I've dated in the past and I find their personalities annoying. Or they pounce on you when you're hanging out, all over you like a rash when you're still in the process of getting to know them.

Seriously, there’s nothing more off-putting than a guy who lunges at you outta nowhere.

So in my experience, these "nice" guys aren't necessarily so "nice".

But why are these guys the ones that are most forthright in asking you out? Why are they so persistent? Won’t take no for an answer? Even when you're not interested, and make that very clear?

Well, let's ask the Hodgetwins (let me preface this by saying that I in no way am assuming that I'm the pretty girl that these guys are talking about, but this is advice that ALL females can relate to):

From a male perspective, apparently "ugly guys don't care about rejection because they're used to it". That's why the creeps are the ones who are more aggressive in their pursuit; they've got nothing to lose.

Decent guys, both looks and personality wise, are a lot more sensitive to rejection because they're just not used to it, since they have a higher success rate with women.

Which begs the question, how are these guys so successful with women if they never ask girls out or pursue them? I'd hazard a guess that in these cases, the girls have had to do the majority of the pursuing, to protect the guys' fragile egos.

The problem with being a girl who asks a guy out is that it sets the tone for rest of the relationship, and you'll find yourself having to put in the majority of the effort from then on.

I might be wrong, but I've never seen a relationship work out where a girl asked a guy out or did the chasing. Personally, in situations when I've given in and asked a guy out (because I know I intimidate or confuse men), I've always been left wondering if, had I not taken that step, would we even be together?

I've always had a niggling bit of insecurity in the back of my mind, wondering if a guy is truly into me, or if he's just with me because I coerced him into it and I was convenient and available to him at the time.

So now, I just let things happen they way they’re supposed to happen. It may seem unrealistic or old-fashioned, but I let guys come to me because I don’t see the point in trying to force anything.

In an age where women are supposed to be equal to men this is probably horrible advice though, that is likely to ensure you remain #ForeverAlone.

But to me, it’s better than the mindf*ckery that comes if you're not sure if a guy really likes you and you feel like you’ve had to convince him to be with you. As a female, I don’t think my self esteem can handle it.

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