Wednesday, 28 January 2015

Why Women Shouldn’t Chase Men

It’s already been well observed that women’s position in society is evolving, what with women now becoming more independent and career-driven. The shift of gender roles in relationships has also been observed.

CC image courtesy of frankieleon on Flickr
I’m all for equality and all that, but when it comes to dating I have my limits, for the simple fact that there are things that we as women simply cannot get away with doing, that a male can, without looking desperate.

For example, frequently initiate contact with a guy - you will most likely scare him off by coming on too strong. A guy doing the same however, he’s just showing his interest, which more often than not is welcomed by women.

So when you have apparent dating guru Blake Lavak hitting the headlines, advising women to chase men aggressively, pick up the tab on dates every time, sleep with them as quickly as possible and generally be at a guy's constant beck and call (all outlined in his book Own That Guy In 60 Days), I have to be the cautionary voice of reason.

own-that-guy-book-imageSure, he’s a guy so he has that advantage where he can offer the male perspective. But, let me tell you something obvious about men based on my experiences and observations: they are hardwired to take the easy route. If he has a woman who is willing to bend over backwards to please him, well what man isn’t going to love that? Plus, men generally aren’t as picky as females.

However, if there isn’t enough sexual attraction or interest there, he will tire of you eventually, and because you did all the work in the early stages of dating you’ll never know just how interested the guy actually was. If you realise he just settled because you were convenient at the time, this will eventually present itself later on in the relationship and your self-esteem is likely to plummet.

I see it all the time with girls who drop everything for a guy, practically wipe their boyfriend’s ass for him and smother him with love; then they get frustrated when this considerate behaviour isn’t returned, or they notice their guy is getting bored.

Wouldn’t you rather be with guy who was willing to put in the effort to make you his, instead of the guy who just went along with it when you became the aggressor? I’ve seen how men operate and trust me, if a man has a high level of interest (which is largely dependent on how attracted he is to you), he will chase you. Even when you’re not interested. So you don’t have to try so hard because if you do, it might get a result, but it’ll be a short-term one.

I think that’s why I have an issue with this guy’s dating advice; he’s basically giving desperate women (which often stems from low self-esteem) the justification they need to go ahead and chase a guy, instead of being patient enough to see if a guy is actually interested in them. Not only that, but it seems pretty manipulative too.

On the same day, I read an article about an affluent woman divorcing her husband. Their split made the news as the fella, who had essentially been a kept man, was now fighting for a better divorce settlement. Now, while there are women who marry rich men for an even richer divorce, I’m sure such an extreme role reversal contributed to the breakdown of the marriage.

I can’t help but feel women are getting the short end of the stick these days. We’re supposed to be career women, child bearers, homemakers (no matter how much help you get from your partner, the responsibility will largely fall on the female)…and now we’re supposed to pursue men too. This is the price of feminism.

I think if most women are honest with themselves, they desire those traditional roles. They want to be picked up, taken out and have those first few dates paid for. And I’m sure a lot of women who work long-hours would prefer to spend more time with their kids. We're maternal by nature.

Of-course, for every woman lamenting the loss of traditional gender roles in relationships, there are those celebrating the fact that women now have to share the workload, some almost gleeful. You know the type: embittered men who think that every woman is a golddigger, citing high-profile divorce settlement cases which have greatly favoured the woman.

But guys remember, for every Anna Murdoch (who received a divorce settlement of $1.2 billion when divorcing Rupert Murdoch who, I might add, went on to marry a woman 37-years his junior, 17 days after the divorce), there’s Cheryl Fernandez Versini (formerly Cole), who didn’t chase a financial settlement when divorcing philandering footballer Ashley Cole, and split everything 50/50 to emphasise a "divorce with dignity".

So taking on a traditional role in a marriage or relationship doesn't necessarily mean you’re doing so for financial reasons; some women just want to feel like the woman in the relationship.

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